Letting Go

A week ago I had the house of my dreams at my fingertips.
And, more so, I had a sense of control over our future, where we would be raising up this brood of ours, and a general peace in planting permanent roots.

Now, all of that is slipping away.

I feel silly writing about this, as there are very dire things happening in the world. Children being sold into slavery, Families being persecuted because of religious beliefs, famine, war, and sickness.
These are the things that require my prayer, daily.

But, still, we prayed to be lead by our God, and we felt He had released us to make a decision about this house. We did. We felt peace wash over us, as we began to prepare our family and lives for a replanting.

Then, the house inspection showed various things that would deem the house unlivable, without remediation. $20,000 worth of things. Money that we neither have, nor would care to spend if we did.

We haven't completely pulled the plug, as we are going to give the Sellers the opportunity to right this. (they did not fully disclose some of the items in their disclosure). If they remediate the items at full cost, we will move forward.

The chances of that happening are so slim, by anyone's standards, that we might as well expect a full remediation of the Philadelphia School system this coming year.

In the interim, I can feel God preparing my heart for the great unknown once again. He is asking me to let go. It is painful. I am not just letting go of the house, but of the stability, peace, and future lives that we tacked to that house. But, aha, once again these were OUR plans.

We believe in a sovereign Lord. We begged Him that if this was not the place He would have us raise up our family that He shut the door quickly. Whether He is responding, or the Seller's just acted irresponsibly, is still out to jury.

I spent the day clearing out all the clutter in our tiny 1,000 square foot townhouse. If God should not have us move forward, then we will furlough our search, and prepare where we our for our tiny little baby to arrive in 3 months. Families all over the world would literally DIE to own 1,000 square feet to provide safety and comfort for their enormous families. So what if we are 2 adults, 2 small children, a newborn, a dog, a cat and 3 hermit crabs. We are here, we are safe, we are living under our means, and babies love small spaces anyhow. :)

The Lord has taught me to stand in the season of where we are, not where we want to be. Also, He has taught me that His Grace is enough.

So today, on this Sunday, I am letting go of my desire to move forward with that big, beautiful, fancy, fabulous, well-situated, Victorian, stone house. Also, i am letting go of my desire to craft my plans over the next 3 months. Lord, we give it all to You, and we beg You to have Your way with it.